Do I Need To Learn Morse Code?

This morning I was sipping a delightfully exuberant fusion of hibiscus, orange peel, rose hips and passion fruit flowers in my cup of hot tea regaling in the serenity of an inviting morning of bright sunshine as the last vestiges of snow were melting from the wintery storm we received this week.

Sophie, my little furkid, was peacefully enjoying her breakfast when suddenly there was the impious racket of a jackhammer on the house.  It lasted just a few seconds.  I knew what it was, but Sophie was startled by it and jumped in my lap.  Moments later there was another barrage which further panicked my little girl.

I jumped up and moved toward the window where the sound had emanated and witnessed a red-bellied woodpecker fly into the oak tree at the edge of my property.

Photo courtesy: Gary Hall

I threw on a heavy jacket and my Elmer Fudd hat with flaps to keep my ears warm and walked around the house to see if there was any evidence of holes.  Having been out of town for two weeks, I thought it wise to see if that peckerwood had done any damage during my absence.  Fortunately, I found no signs that Casa de Curmudgeon had been under attack before this morning.

I know that when a woodpecker strikes at your house immediate action should be taken to avoid any damage.  My house is made of brick, but the gables are HardiePlank® Lap Siding, a fiber and cement siding.

Recommendations for visual and sound deterrents can be found there and I decided to hop on the Amazon website to peruse the deterrents that were available.  I nixed the idea of Irri-Tape because I don’t want the house looking like a tacky used car lot.  I read some of the reviews on the sound deterrents.  The reviewers noted that some of the products were loud enough to annoy your neighbors.  While my house sits on an acre of land and doubt the neighbors would be adversely affected, I considered that I might not like hearing the noise.  I finally settled on an owl decoy that will be delivered tomorrow.

I also called my pest control guy and made an appointment for him to do a follow-up spritzing of pesticide on the outside of my house just to be on the safe side since Woody the Woodpecker subsists on insects.  I don’t allow squatters no matter their size, especially bugs.

I know what you’re going to say.  “Hey Curmudgeon, why not just shoot the little dickens like you do those rascally squirrels?”  Yes, I am in a diminutive conflict with General Nehemiah Puffchecks and Oliver Acorn and I slay their bushy-tailed forces with glee, but it seems that all species of woodpeckers are somewhat protected by federal laws and intentionally killing them is illegal.

Finally, I am going to learn Morse Code so I can be a badass like Walt Kowalski in Gran Torino and tell that pecker to “get off my lawn” in a rat-a-tat-tat language he can understand.

--. . - / --- ..-. ..-. / -- -.-- / .-.. .- .-- -.

(Translated:  GET OFF MY LAWN)